Tuesdays with Tom: Fargoons - Going North of Normal
A bachelor party group heads to North Dakota, plus thoughts on the Clippers Aspirational fraud; the Emmys and the Mizzou-Kansas rivalry
When Joel and Ethan Coen made Fargo nearly 30 years ago, they likely didn’t expect its name to stick so firmly to North Dakota’s largest city. The film became a career highlight, winning two Academy Awards and later inspiring a loosely connected TV series on FX. But unpacking Fargo means grappling with the gap between the Fargo you think you know and the real one. Despite its title, almost nothing was filmed in Fargo, not even the infamous woodchipper scene, which actually took place in Minnesota. And with the Red River as the only divider, it’s easy to blur Fargo with its neighbor across the state line.
You might be even more confused to learn that a group of 16 men who have no meaningful connection to Fargo spent three days gallivanting through town on a bachelor party trip. But unlike the whimsically complicated crimes from the Fargo universe, I’m going to tell this legitimately true story as simply as I can. The real Fargo was briefly called Centralia before being renamed in 1881 for William Fargo, co-founder of Wells Fargo and director of the Northern Pacific Railway. The city once held the title of “divorce capital of the West.” In 1890, North Dakota Agricultural College opened as the state’s first land-grant university, renamed North Dakota State University in 1906.
With all these name changes and blurred state lines, it’s easy to see why most are unsure of what Fargo is all about. At 136,000 residents, Fargo is North Dakota’s most populous city, though it is not the state’s capital (that’s Bismarck, ND). The Fargo-Moorhead area is just outside of the top-100 television markets in America. Their most notable native is arguably Roger Maris, the Yankees legend who has a museum with his namesake inside of the West Acres mall in Fargo. Truthfully, the mystery surrounding Fargo often outshines its reality.
My Fargonian excursion began at Hector International Airport. It’s a charming airport undergoing major renovations. You won’t have an issue waiting in any lines or securing transportation here. I had a direct flight there, with a few other early arrivals joining me at Sickies Garage Burgers & Brews. Don’t worry: no one got “sicky” from the 50+ burgers they advertise on their menu. I did exactly what they suggested by ordering a burger and brew. We took a stroll through the parking lot for some bowling at West Acres Bowl. The sparse staff seemed surprised that some gentlemen wanted to bowl on the afternoon of September 11th. It’s not the most historic 9/11 bowling round, but we had fun.
In Fargo, everything is a short drive, including our “identical twin” Airbnbs. Each house was stacked with beds and two garages packed with activities: pop-a-shot, darts, bags, foosball, even a popcorn machine. Outside, there was a patio with a half-working hot tub and, why not, family-friendly axe throwing. Probably not built with 16 guys in mind, but it worked perfectly for us.
The vibes were high heading into the first night in downtown Fargo. Our first stop was Mezzaluna & The Drawing Room. No, not the one where Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman hit it off in 1994. This is a joint that claims to be “North Dakota’s best restaurant.” Based on my limited experience with North Dakota dining, I’ll agree. It was a great meal, highlighted by their chili-flaked fries, chicken wild rice soup and cacio e pepe.
The server gave us the hard sell on their downstairs speakeasy, The Drawing Room. A quick rant about the speakeasy trend. It’s getting way too easy to find and get into these places. Aren’t they supposed to be secret? He practically begged us to go. No password required. They even stayed open later to accommodate our group for a celebratory lemon drop shot. I’m not complaining, but just pointing out facts. They should call these speak-floozies. Later, we strolled downtown past the iconic Fargo sign to hit up Dempsey’s Public House. We were enthralled with Blame Not The Bard, an Iowa-based Celtic quartet that got everyone going.
The man of the weekend, Mr. Tommy Rapp, insisted that we switch things up with some athletic activities. For five dollars, the Fargo Parks Sports Center offers unfettered access to eight hardwood courts, six pickleball courts, two hockey rinks, an elevated track and a full-sized indoor turf field. Many of us arrived ready to ball. We split up into two teams for a round of pick-up football on the turf. No one left injured and our team won two touchdowns to zero. The game was capped by a 4th down scoring lob from myself to Chris Anthes, mirroring our first encounter 15 years ago on a similar turf field.
From there, it was hoops time. This was a little less organized, but a round of three-on-three took place. Rapp shined on the court, barreling his 6-foot-5 frame around to great avail. We closed out with a few rounds of knockout. Once again, I got the last word, draining the eliminating shot over Rapp in the second game. Everyone had their moments inside this beautiful facility. We regrouped for an afternoon at Double Up, a sports bar and casino near our Airbnb. If you feel compelled to call it Double Down, you’re not alone. It recently changed its name from Double Down after a trademark dispute with a New York establishment. Yet another Fargo name change. Double Up unexpectedly became the bar of the weekend.
Double Up had a few slot machines and one blackjack dealer. I suppose that counts as a casino, but barely. There’s a lot of these “casinos” in Fargo. You’d never confuse Double Up for Las Vegas, but it was a welcoming spot to drink, watch sports, and gamble. They had a pool table, too. If you haven't noticed, this group is all about action and sports. We need constant stimulation and we don’t hesitate to blurt out the names of obscure athletes.
Speaking of doubling down, this contrarian vacation with a group of silly sports fans wouldn’t be complete with an elaborate bit. Enter the Tommy Rapp Outrageous Shirt Bar Crawl. This is a sacred club, so I can’t disclose much more than that. I can tell you that each individual brought a silly shirt and got introduced one-by-one to the Alan Parsons Project song “Sirius”, an homage to the 1990s Chicago Bulls. A few rounds of Stack Cup and a fiery introduction were enough to get us warmed up for downtown Fargo again.
We kicked that off at Brewhalla, a multi-purpose beer hall and “entertainment wonderland” centered around Drekker Brewing. It’s a great spot for craft beers and assorted food, plus a large outdoor area for events. They advertised a free concert from Motion City Soundtrack that felt sublime and surreal for me. Would I return for the show? Stay tuned! In the meantime, the crawl transitioned to Fort Noks Bar of Gold. This is a standard college bar with a college-aged crowd. The Busch Light was flowing. Rooter’s Bar is a spectacular dive for proper adults. Sidestreet Grille & Pub has seen busier nights, but the beers were plentiful.
I’d never bar-hopped into another state in a single night until our final stop at Mick’s Office in Moorhead, MN. It was the diviest of dives, perfect for the late hour. A bride and groom even rolled in with their wedding party. Respect. Somehow, we made it through all those bars in our ridiculous shirts without incident. That’s Fargo for you: polite, unassuming people who let us loud outsiders blend right in.
Although I enjoyed our home-made football game, we wouldn’t stand a chance against the local team, the North Dakota State Bison. The 18-time FCS national champions are the green-and-gold standard of their collegiate level. The Bison have exported several players to the NFL, a rarity for the FCS, and they’ve won ten of the last 14 FCS national titles. Locals get herded and horny at the Fargodome, a 19,000 seat indoor field nestled next to the NDSU campus.
It’s indoors so the Bison can still dominate late into the year when Fargo’s frigid temperatures arrive. The only thing more frigid than December in Fargo is the Busch Light on tap at The Bison Turf. Swapping out silliness for a patchy collection of Bison green, we had an electric pregame there. They served us the largest grape-flavored shooters I’ve ever seen for free to honor the groom. My breakfast wasn’t too bad either. This is a fabulous tailgating bar.
I was struck by NDSU’s lush green and autumn-drenched foliage, neatly matching the school’s colors. The Fargodome was rocking to a heavy dosage of Wolfmother’s “Joker and The Thief” before every Bison kick-off. There were many kick-offs because the Bison poured it on Southeast Missouri State 41-14. Quarterback Cole Payton did his best Carson Wentz impression, tossing four touchdowns and sneaking another one from the goal line into the endzone. Like the copious beers that flowed all weekend, the result was never in doubt. Expect the Bison to contend for their 19th title this season.
A postgame celebration at Herds and Horns will do for any Bison fans or idiots pretending to be them. I was given permission to splinter off and attend the Motion City Soundtrack show at Brewhalla. You can’t beat a front-row seat at a free show like that. I could have touched the band if I was willing to risk it all. Instead, I got my pop punk fix in and bid the band adieu. Double Up got some repeat customers to close out the trip. I won’t claim we did everything in Fargo, but for a 72-hour trip we saw more than enough.
Fargo is certainly north of Normal, IL, but will it blow your mind? Probably not. Still, if you make the trek up to 46.9° latitude, you’ll find more than enough to fill a weekend and check off a rare state from your U.S. bucket list. Sure, Steve Buscemi didn’t get chopped up here, and most of the Fargo lore never actually happened. But this trip did, and everyone came away better for it. So to Fargo, I’ll say what the buffalo’s mom said to her calf: Bye, son!
Tom’s Thoughts of the Week
In the last two episodes of Friday Night Beers, we reviewed Surf House and Cyber Sue. Surf House, from Allagash Brewing, was a crisp lager that sent us diving into the world of surfing films. Cyber Sue, the third in Toppling Goliath’s “Sue” series, gave us an excuse to dissect threequels: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Please subscribe, rate and review our podcast here and follow our Instagram page for relevant updates!
Sports journalist Pablo Torre has uncovered one of the strangest sports stories in recent memory. On Pablo Torre Finds Out, Torre laid out a compelling theory detailing a suspicious connection between the Los Angeles Clippers, the tree brokerage firm Aspiration and Clippers star Kawhi Leonard. Based on some thorough research, Torre claims Leonard pocketed $28 million from Aspiration for a “no-show” endorsement, a deal allegedly backed by Clippers owner (and ex-Microsoft exec) Steve Ballmer to skirt the NBA salary cap. Conveniently, Aspiration received $50 million in funding from Ballmer in 2021, by far the league’s wealthiest owner with a net worth around $153 billion. Around the same time, Aspiration inked a $300 million partnership with the Clippers, right as Leonard signed both his Aspiration deal and a team-friendly extension. Last March, Aspiration filed for bankruptcy with a reported debt of $170 million. To date, there is no evidence that Leonard ever delivered a single promotion for Aspiration.
The story sparked plenty of debate, and Ballmer has vehemently denied the allegations. He claims that Aspiration duped him and that he had “no ability to predict why they might have done anything they did, let alone the specific contract with Kawhi.” Former Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban even appeared on Pablo Torre Finds Out to defend Ballmer. Sports fans have long wondered if owners find creative loopholes to give stars extra money beyond league rules. This could be direct proof of this practice, which puts the integrity of all sports owners into question. It’s a crucial moment for NBA commissioner Adam Silver. Ironically, his first major move was banning disgraced Clippers owner Donald Sterling from the NBA, paving the way for Ballmer to purchase the Clippers in 2014. Silver says that he would be “reluctant to act” without substantial proof here. Most people agree this is highly suspicious at best and more likely blatant cheating. Considering that Silver works for the NBA owners, it will be fascinating to see if he decides to hammer Ballmer and the Clippers with a hefty punishment. If Silver only hands down a slap on the wrist, it’ll confirm what fans already suspect: owners can do whatever they want with little consequence.
The big winners from last weekend’s Emmys were The Studio, The Pitt and Adolescence. They each won the top prize in comedy, drama and limited series. It was a historic night for other winners. Tramell Tillman became the first Black actor to win best supporting actor for Severance. Owen Cooper from Adolescence is the youngest actor to ever win an acting Emmy. Noah Wyle and Katherine LaNasa both won for The Pitt. On the other end, The Bear walked away with zero wins for its divisive third season. Same with The Last of Us and The White Lotus from HBO. The Late Show With Stephen Colbert won for best late night variety series. Overall, I’m content with the mix of winners and losers. There’s no doubt that The Studio, Severance, The Pitt and Adolescence were among the best shows in this voting window. I am a bit surprised that Emmy favorites like The Bear got shut out, but perhaps voters are souring on that show like I did the last two years. In the end, the Emmys reflect how the industry sees itself more than what the public actually loves to watch.
With conference realignment ravaging college football over the years, many of its longstanding rivalries have gone away. But in a refreshing twist, Missouri and Kansas reignited their centuries-old feud on the gridiron, reviving the game for the first time since 2011. The Athletic ranked Mizzou-Kansas at the 19th greatest rivalry in college sports, which may surprise people not affiliated with these programs. The rivalry is so bitter it technically started before their first football game in 1891. It was nicknamed the Border War, partially because of “the guerilla war that raged on both sides of the Missouri River from 1854-1865.” Yes, this predates the Civil War. Although these teams have rarely excelled concurrently, there is plenty of bad blood between them. They can’t even agree on the all-time record, thanks to a dispute over the 1960 game. Officially, it stands at 56-56-9. That got updated a few weeks ago when Mizzou took down the Jayhawks 42-31 in Columbia, MO. As a Mizzou alum, it was awesome to see the Tigers beat their rivals for the first time since I was a student. As a college football fan, I just hope they keep this game alive for years to come. We need more games that matter. Rivalries like Mizzou-Kansas bring in casual fans and reward diehards with a game they can truly get riled up about.